In a nutshell: A colour by numbers “romp” through Venice. Best avoided.
Popcorn rating: 0.5/5
Angelina Jolie? Phwoar. Johnny Depp? Phwoar, I mean come on, who wouldn’t want a bit of Captain Jack Sparrow eh? Well, whoever signed up this aesthetically pleasing duo for The Tourist musta been laughing all the way to the bank. Guffaw, guffaw, they probably went, rubbing their grubby mitts together in anticpation of all that lovely moolah. Well, ha ha, the joke’s on them ‘cos this is crap! Or, hold on, it probably did make a packet and it’s still rubbish? Can that be right?
The story begins with lots of lovely shots of Jolie looking posh and unflustered in beige in Paris while being watched 24/7 by police who are searching for her embezzler husband Alexander Pearce (he’s nicked £2billion and owes a hefty £744million in taxes). Anywho, that’s the set up done and dusted. Cue Jolie meeting Depp’s “sweet” Minnesota maths teacher on a train and lots of mistaken identity attempts at humour and action ensue.
Unfortunately, both Depp and Jolie have neither the expected on-screen chemistry or the charisma they have shown elsewhere to give this bland thriller any sparkle. In fact, like Venice itself, there seems to be an expectation that the physical beauty of both actors is probably enough to keep everyone interested. Word to the wise, it won’t and it didn’t.
Sure, Jolie does her best to smoulder on screen (fail), Depp tries to win hearts playing ordinary but lovable (fail) and Paul Bettany does a plausible job but appears to be acting in a completely different (and better) movie. Eventually it all comes to a predictable end and you can go home, which is at least one good point.