In a nutshell: Big and beautiful but ultimately empty.
Popcorn rating: 1.5/5
Considering how rubbish the 2010 film Clash of the Titans was, it comes as somewhat of a surprise that a sequel had been made, namely this year’s Wrath of the Titans. Then again, when you consider Clash made somewhere in the region of half a billion dollars, it’s not that much of a surprise. Someone, somewhere, must have liked it. And if they didn’t, they paid to see it anyway.
Set around a decade after the end of Clash, Wrath of the Titans sees Perseus (Sam Worthington) eschewing a charmed life as a demi-god and right hand man to his dad, the great god Zeus (Liam Neeson), for the simplicity of life as a fisherman and single dad to his young son, Helius (John Bell). Mum seems to have died somewhere in the intervening period. Probably of shame at being involved in the first, one can only assume.
Anywho, to cut a long story short – nice gods Zeus and Posiedon (Danny Huston) are in trouble because not enough people are worshipping them, which means the walls of Tartarus are on the verge of breaking and unleashing very nasty monsters into the world. Totally exploiting the whole situation and a bit jealous and angry and stuff, Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and his sidekick Ares (Édgar Ramírez) do a bit of betraying which ends up with Zeus captured and being cruelly leached of his power to awaken Kronos, the badass daddy of the gods. He appears to have a few “issues” and is made of fire and what I think is coal, which is never a good look. Thus it is up to Perseus, Queen Andromeda (Rosamund Pike) and the “comic element”, ie new demi god on the scene, Agenor (Toby Kebbell, doing his best with the material on hand), to do the necessary and save mankind. Or whatever. Who cares? Because it’s complete garbage.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Greek mythology itself is a wonderful melting pot of fabulous tales, unforgettable heroes, powerful gods and terrifying monsters. As a potential source of movie magic, ancient Greece is surely ripe for the picking. Unfortunately, Clash of the Titans chooses big action and and eye-popping special effects over the art of clever story-telling, intriguing characterisation and believable dialogue. It’s a bit like a beautiful mannequin – pleasing to the eye sure, but ultimately, everyone’s disappointed. Take my advice, don’t bother.