Loose Women

Posted: January 24, 2011 by josheppard in Telly
Tags: , , ,

In a nutshell: Televised brain-rot for Lambrini girls

Popcorn rating: 0/5

Loose Women is an award-winning daytime show with a simple formula. Take four women, stick them in a studio with a live, like-minded audience, and let them chat. The idea, I think, is that for its largely female 30-plus audience, it’s like having a laugh with your girlfriends over lunch. Since I’m a woman in my 30s, I’m probably its target demographic.

Which is unfortunate. Because I have about as much in common with the Loose Women as I would with four Roswell aliens. Probably considerably less.

Loose Women is presented by a varying team of four, generally plucked from the swamp of shrieking inanity that is Kate Thornton, Lynda Bellingham, Colleen Nolan, that woman called Carol who used to be married to Chris Evans, someone called Zoe who looks like a bad nail technician, and a Geordie drag queen who seems to live with Tim Healy. There’s a forced faux-camaraderie between them, and every conversation is punctuated by the strangely aggressive caterwauling laughter primarily associated with the dangerously unhinged. If you were in a restaurant and this bunch was shown to the adjacent table, your heart would sink.

The producers of Loose Women apparently believe that women’s lives revolve mostly around children, husbands, diets and the occasional ‘girls’ night out’, for which you know they’d get ready for hours while listening to ‘Here Come The Girls’. All men are essentially feckless little boys who don’t take the bins out, chocolate is better than sex (cue cackles from the audience, apparently comprising mostly hyenas on a hen-do) and careers are… well, careers don’t really get a mention.

Not surprisingly, then, when it comes to the level of debate, Loose Women is the Daily Mail’s ‘Femail’ section personified. Think ‘Do Maltesers give you breast cancer?’ and ‘Can asylum seekers make you fat?’ and you won’t be far wrong. Never is any real rationale applied to anyone’s opinions. Hear a volley of loud clicks? That’ll be their knees jerking. When they managed to link the ordeal of the Chilean miners to guest Jason Donovan with “Hard times, there, for the miners, hopefully now over. And Jason, you’ve had some hard times in your career, haven’t you?” it was all I could do not to puncture my own eardrums with a knitting needle just to make it stop.

The only reason I can possibly find for this dated horror-show to exist is some sort of sinister government conspiracy to boost the nation’s productivity – because after a day on your sickbed faced with brain-dead vapidity on this scale, you’d have to be close to death not to want to go back to work.

Reviewer: Jo Sheppard

  1. curlyshirley says:

    I would say I hate this show but that word isn’t strong enough to describe the bile-filled rage which floods me when I accidentally switch over and chance upon it (sadly, usually when I am off ill and already in a weakened state). It makes me embarrassed to be a woman.

    This show is up for a National Television Award. Seriously.

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