Take Me Out

Posted: February 13, 2011 by curlyshirley in Telly
Tags: , , , , , , ,

In a nutshell: Cilla Black has a lot to answer for.

Popcorn rating: 2/5

Of all the ways for someone to meet the love of their life, I can think of no better method than having 30 women indiscriminately judging the mating potential of a lone male, on TV, in front of the nation. I am, of course, talking about the method as chosen by Saturday night game show “extravaganza” Take Me Out.

Take Me Out opens  with some harmless banter (lol) courtesy of Northern wit and show host Paddy Maguinness (oh, I’m right funny, me) before the show gets down to the nitty gritty (and as far as I am aware, entirely heterosexual) business of pairing folk off. It’s a bit like a wildlife documentary really – except with Mr Attenborough’s soothingly intellectual narration replaced with hilarities like “Let the crown see the jewels” from Paddy.

How it works is simple. The girls are assembled onstage in a semi circle and the lone male, blinking and grinning, is lowered on stage in front of the chuckling audience by lift – a bit like Frank n Furter in The Rock Horror Picture Show. Then, having arrived like a deity from above, this smiling bachelor must prove his worthiness to the girls by laying out his life to be sniffed and sneered at until he can never go out to the pub or the office or even the corner shop ever again without being faced with a sea of sniggers and nudges. Lol.

After this ritual humiliation, the ladeez who fancy a bit of the chosen one leave their “lights on” to show willing while the rest switch their “lights off”, thus saying a very public “Bog off mate” to the victim, ahem, man. It’s not sexist though because- in a final fun filled twist – the victim, ahem, man gets to choose one of the offered babes and publicly reject/humiliate the others. Woohoo! Lol. Then the “happy” couple head off to Fernandos island of love to spend some quality time together and the next man is lowered onstage. So it continues. In an endless, chirpy, brightly lit stream.

Why would anyone put themselves through this modern meat market hell? Simples! (lol) The contestants (each as similar as you can be when cherry picked from Top Shop on a Saturday afternoon) wants to get on prime time telly, ahem, sorry I mean they all want a date.  And hopefully at least some of them will get a date too. After all, no one wants to see someone‘s heart actually crack open and dissolve, leaving a weeping mess of a human puddled at Paddy’s feet.  Not on television. Where’s the fun in that?

And, following that renowned story arch of reality telly, each “happy” couple also gets to come back later and verbally pick over the bones of their time together, for the viewers to snort with laughter at. After all, if a tree falls in the wood, does anyone hear it if it’s not filmed and blasted onto our telly screens so we can smirk knowingly from the comfort of our snuggies on our DHS sofa while eating and drinking our £10-meal deal? Exactly. Everyone’s a winner really. Lol. Lol.

Reviewer: Curlyshirley

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