In a nutshell: No Willow

Popcorn rating: 0.5/5

Remember Willow? Sweet natured farmer Willow (Warwick Davis) out of his depth battling to save a special baby from an evil queen. Remember crazy old Madmartigan (Val Kilmer hamming it up and loving every minute of it)? Good movie huh? Bit predictable and slushy, but one of the classics of your childhood really, when you think about it.

Your Highness is nothing like Willow. That’s probably okay really, in that its target audience isn’t kids. Unfortunately, that’s not what I mean. What makes Your Highness nothing like Willow is because sword and sorcery “comedy” Your Highness is irredeemable garbage no matter what age you are.

It is so bad, so boring, so pointless and predictable, in fact, that it has completely changed my mind about Danny McBride. I used to think his slobbish, drawling, southern idiot schtick was charmingly amusing. Now, I just can’t stand it. Or him. Or ever want to see anything as bad as this celluloid sh*t ever again.

Obviously going on the premise that swearing and lewdness in an unusual setting is utterly hilarious, Your Highness gives us an alternative fairy tale style story *insert rude word here* with bad words aplenty. It sees tubbster McBride playing Prince Thadeous, a lazy good for nothing royal constantly overshadowed by his charming and brave Prince Fabius sibling (James Franco) *insert sexy medieval lady in a bikini here*

In order to prove himself worthy of his daddy’s love,  Thadeus sets out on a mission to save his brother’s bride-to-be (doe-eyed Zoe Deschanel) along with his trusty servant (Rasmus Hardiker), his brother and sexy, foul mouthed heroine Isabel (Natalie Portman)  *insert crude, gross out slapstick scene here*. This unlikely gang face various dullard challenges, double entendres and dire jokes along the way. *insert general lewdness here*. And that’s it. End of.

If ever there was a movie to make you fret for the future of film, this is it. Don’t bother.

Reviewer: CurlyShirley

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